rough notes

angry buddhas

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i was angry a lot when i was younger.  i wasn’t violent or a danger to self or society, but i was definitely jaded and annoyed.  my wit had spoiled into an awful cynicism as i let myself believe that Things Hadn’t Worked Out, or at the very least, that Things Weren’t Going to Plan.

Although I eventually came around and realized that there never really could be a checklist to confirm one’s life and measure its relative success by (whatever that means), the Things remained.  I’m not really Angry anymore – I haven’t been for a number of years – but an element of Disdain lingers. And that’s okay. this Disdain for Things is what keeps me principled and opinionated and sometimes political.

Sometimes, though, I wonder if i should just let it all dissipate, let it all Slide like the penguin in Fight Club suggests to Tyler.  Maybe if I became a stoic like i longed to be in my ignorant misadventures of youth (before the onset of Anger), maybe then I’d reach zen?  but it can’t work that way, because in spite of his meditations, Buddha is of the world.  I am informed and wise today on account of that Anger I lived and experience for so long.  How could enlightenment begin if I had to let go of the vestiges of a time, which, as awful as it may have been, now offers me the long-view I long for?  Or does enlightenment begin by staring the simplified paradox in the eye, as i am doing now?



Written by mitchellirons

October 12, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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